Teaching Kids to Pray Effectively

This is a modified talk I did at the Church Teams Conference in Griffin Georgia on August 26. To download the full notes, click here.

Would you say your prayers are effective?

You’re not alone if you feel inadequate. The disciples did too when they came to Jesus in Matthew 6 and asked him to teach them how to pray. They’d been praying their entire lives but saw that Jesus’ prayers were far more effective, and so they wanted a taste of that.

When we’re teaching kids to pray, they have an advantage over us. They have faith like a child. They can ask for big or crazy things with no hesitation. I think this is why Jesus said to bring the little children to me.

Before we can teach our kids how to pray, we must first understand what prayer is.

When I was in math teacher school, one of the first classes I took was Calculus and the last class was Abstract Algebra. We started at the highest level a student will go and ended way deeper than any normal high schooler will understand.

Why did they do that?

I believe it’s because they wanted us to have the necessary skills to teach the content. They wanted to make sure we weren’t going through the motions, but truly understood the mechanics and underlying structures.

We may not have a college degree in prayer, but we can understand the basics of prayer. And with this understanding, we can share that knowledge with our kids and students.

1. Prayer is not about getting stuff, it’s about the right perspective.

A lot of times our first interactions with prayer is about asking God for things. We ask for healing, blessing our food, miracles, and salvation. God does give all those things and they do come through prayer. However, that’s not the sole purpose of prayer.

Look at the first few sentences of the Lord’s Prayer.

“This, then, is how you should pray:
“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Matthew 6:9-10

These phrases are not requests. They’re to put us in the right mind frame. We are talking to the creator of the universe. We are talking to a being that is wholly separate from us and oversees everything. When we say, your kingdom come, your will be done, we are saying we’re putting our will, our desires, our wants to the side and allowing God’s will to be done in us and through us.

When we start our prayers here, our faith grows to ask for bold things, but we also realize that God may not give us the answer we want because it’s about him and not us.

2. Prayer is a conversation.

A lot of times when we pray, we pray the same things. It’s rote memory that doesn’t mean anything anymore.

Tell me if you’ve heard this prayer over a meal.

“God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food. By his hands we are fed, let us thank him for our bread. Amen.”

I learned that at daycare when I was 4. I said it before every meal. It wasn’t until I wrote it here that I really thought about what I was saying.

My son is 8, and sometimes we ask him to pray over dinner. He doesn’t say the rhyme, but he says the same prayer, usually as fast as he can, sometimes with his mouth full of mac and cheese.

This is not the way we were meant to pray to God. It’s supposed to be a conversation. Look at Matthew 6:7-8

“And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. 8 Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”

My little rhyme and our prayers over our food are no better than the babbling like the pagans. It doesn’t mean anything to us or to God. We need to take time to sit and listen for God and to God.

So how can we do this?

One of the best ways I found to train kids and students to listen to God’s voice is to create a space for them to listen.

At the end of your sermon, instead of doing traditional altar time, where you play a song and kids respond either by coming forward for prayer or staying in their seats, have a quiet time.

Give everyone a small sheet of paper and ask them to pray for God to speak to them about the main point. Then sit in silence for 60 seconds. Encourage them to write any thoughts or ideas that come to mind. Then ask them to share what they heard and be prepared to offer your own.

Kids need to learn how to hear God’s voice, but if we’re constantly playing music or talking then they will never find him in the still and quiet.

3. Prayer is between you and God.

Back in Matthew 6:6, Jesus says:

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Since God knows everything about you, you can be open and honest with him. You can express your doubts, anger, frustrations, joy, and love to him. He can take it and wants to hear it. Just as when you pick up your kids from school and want to hear all about their day, God wants to hear about yours.

Many of us, especially in ministry, can find ourselves only praying in public. We pray before service, during the service, and for others. But rarely do we go into a room and shut the door to pray to our faither in heaven.

I was this person. I read my Bible every day, but actually praying? That’s something different. So, I started to journal. I don’t do it every day, but I try weekly. I write out my prayers that only me and God see. I’m not planning on sharing this with anyone else nor would I want them to see it. That journal time helps me focus and slow down and listen for God to speak to me.

When you’re teaching your kids to pray, don’t always do public prayer requests. Your outspoken kids will say something. Your class clowns will say things. Your kids with sensitive hearts that have the sweetest requests will say things. But a lot of your kids won’t say anything.

So, change it up. Have the kids write down their requests and give them to you or let them keep it. Challenge them to put it in a place where only they can see it and pray for it. Let them share their requests personally with you.

4. God is not Santa Claus

We know this now, but when we’re kids, it’s super easy to confuse the two.

He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake. Santa Claus is coming to town!

But so is Jesus. This can be confusing to kids, and while we know the truth, our prayer life still carries the bad theology.

We still think that if we pray it, it will happen. But when we pray to God, he has three possible answers, yes, no, and not now. Just as a loving parent wants to give their kids good gifts, God wants to do the same. But sometimes the parent says no because they know it’s not good for their child.

God knows infinitely more than us, so he knows what we can handle and what we can’t.

This goes back to our first point. Prayer is about getting the right perspective. He is a good and loving God, but he is also sovereign. We should go and ask him for things but be prepared for the answer to be no or not now.

When we read the story of Job, we like to read the first and the last chapter. We skip the middle. But we may miss the point of the book. It’s full of questions and demands for answers. And when God finally does speak, he doesn’t answer any of them. He puts Job and his friends in their place, reminding them who he is and how little they are.

We can teach our kids about this concept using a traffic light. But also use a practical example of when God said no to your prayer or not yet and the result of his grace.

Teaching kids to pray effectively is not a one and done thing. It’s something we can do every week. We won’t see improvements immediately, but over time it will pay off. Just remember the strength of your prayer life is directly proportional to the strength of your ministry. Make sure you’re praying effectively, and the Lord will lead you where you need to go.

To get practical ideas to teach each one of these concepts and more download my full notes here.