How to Handle Parents Who Want to Stay in Kidmin
There’s a common problem we all run into in kidmin. The parent wants to stay with their child. What do we do? Do we let the parent stay the whole time? 15 minutes? Say no? Do they need to fill out a background check? What about other parents? What about the kids?
In addition, many of these parents are guests. We want them to feel welcome as they find the answers to their biggest questions.
There are a lot of things to consider. I know because I’ve been there. The truth is there’s not a one-size fits all solution. The reasons vary as to why parents want to stay so the solutions vary as well.
However, most of the reasons fall into one of two categories. That’s what I’ll talk about in this post as well as what you can do about it.
1. The kid feels insecure
This is the most common reason parents want to stay. Their kid feels uncomfortable staying. The child will cry, hide behind a parent, or even cling to them. Whenever the parent tries to leave, the kid will panic.
The tense situation becomes extra difficult when service start time has come and gone, and you got a kid in a puddle of angst.
In these situations, I allow the parent to stay. Sometimes I ask them to stay for at most 15 minutes. In this time, the parent usually points out fun things that are happening and reassure their child that everything is going to be ok.
Usually within that time period the kid relaxes and is ready to join the others. Other times the parent rips the proverbial band-aid off and leaves. Most kids do ok after a bit. Others I find I have to redirect their attention to what’s happening or what we’re doing next.
When the parent picks them up, I make sure I celebrate that they stayed the whole time. I also inform the parent how well the child really did and invite them back next week.
2. The parents feel insecure
It hasn’t happened often for me. But sometimes parents come in with a chip on their shoulder and want to see everything that you’re doing. They’re worried something might happen to their precious little one and demand to sit through the whole service.
Since we’re Christian, we want to be as accommodating as possible. But there are security concerns. Also, in my experience at least, the parent is often antagonistic putting me on the defensive. It’s a tricky situation to navigate.
In these cases, I allow the parent to sit through the entire service. They can sit with their child if they want, but they have to sit away from everyone else.
Explain to them that you background check all your volunteers. Even though you believe they would never do anything, you want to protect the other kids and help other parents feel safe.
Then do your entire service as planned. If you get any breaks and/or at the end, check in with the parent to answer any questions or address any concerns.
At the end of the service offer any resources you may have about security policies and/or scope and sequence. Then ask if they feel comfortable sending their kid next week.
At this point if you get a yes, good job! You diffused a situation. If you get a no, and they’re probably not coming back. Or a third option, which is my next point.
3. If the parent insists, offer them to volunteer
I know bringing in an opinionated, antagonistic person onto your team won’t be the best, but hear me out on this one.
At this point, you’ve allowed the parent to attend one of your services. Now they want to come back again. Kindly and firmly explain that staying there was a one time thing. If they’d like to come back more, they can apply to be a volunteer.
For many churches, becoming a volunteer in kidmin takes time. You should have some kind of assimilation process like Growth Track or Next Steps. This will take at least a month to get through. In addition, many church insurances will only cover kids workers if they’ve been regularly attending your church for at least 6 months.
That’s a half a year before they can serve.
Finally, part of your onboarding process should be going over your policies and procedures and a background check. Now they’ll really see how safe your area is and how they can help keep it safe. The background check also makes sure you’re not letting in a convicted pedophile.
All told by offering them to volunteer, you’re putting them off for anywhere for 3 months or longer. That will give them plenty of time to calm down and for you to build trust.
If they’re willing to jump through all those hoops, then they might be a great volunteer. Or they’ll get so fed up they can’t get their way, they’ll leave. And that’s ok too. Jesus loves everyone, but your church isn’t for everyone. We all have our preferences.
4. Let them sit in big church
Some parents just don’t trust you or your ministry. And that’s ok. I used to get upset that a few families didn’t send their kids to my ministry. But then I visited Northpoint Community Church, Andy Stanley’s church. It’s one of the premiere children’s ministries in the south, reaching thousands of kids and families every week.
As I walked through the halls during service, I saw the walls lined with parents and kids in their overflow area. I thought, if Northpoint can’t get all these parents to bring their kids into their areas, who am I to think I can?
So, if I a parent thinks your area is unsafe or the kid just wants to be with their parents, let them attend adult service together. There are churches all over the world that have kids worship with their families, and they do just fine.
Make sure the parents know the children’s services are available and leave them to make the decision. Ultimately, they are the kids’ primary discipler, and they know their kids the best. Let them make the decision and you do your best with the kids you have.
As Jesus said, be faithful with little and He will give you much.
