4 Things Lead Pastors Wish Their Kids Pastors Knew
Now that I've been a lead pastor for a year, I see things differently than I did before. I spent most of my career in the kids' pastor chair, and I thought I understood what it would take to sit in this one. I'd heard other senior leaders talk about the weight of the role, and I thought I got it.
I understood it about as well as you understand love for a child before you actually hold yours. You can describe it. You can imagine it. But you don't really know until that baby is looking up at you and you realize you'd do anything for them. Leading a church isn't parenting, but the principle holds. You don't understand this chair until you're actually sitting in it.
With that said, here are four things lead pastors wish their staff, and specifically their kids' ministry leaders, knew. This is part two of a two-part series. You can read part one, written from the kids' pastor's perspective, here.
1. There Are a Hundred Things Pulling on Them
When I was in kidmin, I rarely had a day without a to-do list as long as my arm. That hasn't changed in the lead chair. What's changed is the scope.
In kidmin, I was focused on kids' discipleship, volunteer management, and helping parents disciple their kids. As a lead pastor, those things still matter to me, but now I'm also thinking about students, young adults, married couples, and seniors. And that's just the people. The lead pastor is both shepherd and CEO. The balance sheet, building maintenance, staff management, vision casting, and a dozen other things all live on the same desk.
So when your lead pastor pushes a meeting back a week or two, don't take it personally. They'd probably love to sit down with you, but something above your pay grade is demanding their attention first. Be patient, and don't be afraid to follow up and ask again.
It also helps to tell them what you want to talk about before you meet. As the meeting approaches, they can't help but wonder what they're walking into. Giving them a heads-up lets them mentally prepare and shows respect for their time.
They do care about your ministry. They may just have a lot of other things ahead of you in line right now.
2. They Want to Give You Everything, But They Give You What They Can
In my last post, I talked about how kidmin leaders need a disproportionate share of budget and staffing because of everything they manage. As the lead pastor who has final say over the budget, I would love to give my staff everything they ask for. I'd love to hire everyone full-time, provide fully for their families, and equip every ministry with the best facilities and tools available.
But just as a family has to make the dollars stretch, so does a pastor. And your ministry isn't an only child. It's one of many. Different ministries get more attention in different seasons, but they're all loved and cared for. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need, but understand that other ministries are making similar requests and the money doesn't always reach everyone equally. Lead pastors have to prioritize. You may not always agree with where those priorities land, but that's the privilege and the burden of the chair.
A good leader will give you as much as they can. So ask for what you need, be grateful for what you get, and give your leader the benefit of the doubt. They hired you to lead a ministry and advance the mission of the church. They're not trying to deprive you. If they were, you wouldn't still be on staff.
3. The More You Take Off Their Plate, the Better
There's a lot on a lead pastor's plate. If you want to become truly invaluable to your team and your church, become what Seth Godin calls a linchpin. Solve problems before they reach your pastor's desk. Your senior leader doesn't need to be involved in every issue that comes up in your ministry. If you can handle it, handle it.
In smaller churches, everyone wears multiple hats. If you have skills or passions outside your official role, don't be afraid to raise your hand. I've managed social media and websites for every church I've served at. That's not a typical part of a kids' pastor's job description, but it's a skill I developed over the years and brought to the table. My pastors were always grateful for it.
When you take things off your leader's plate and do them well, you build a reputation as someone they can count on. They know that when they hand you something, it'll get done to their standard without them having to worry about it. In a role with plenty to worry about already, that kind of trust is worth more than you know. You're doing more than you realize.
4. They Know More and Less Than You Think
Back in school, my teachers used to say they knew less about what was happening among students than the students themselves did. I thought that was laughable until I taught for a year myself. The sheer volume of things I didn't know about my students and their lives was humbling.
Church isn't much different.
As a staff member, you know more about what's happening in the lives of the people in your ministry than your senior pastor does. If you hear about a problem, a prayer need, or a difficult situation, don't assume your pastor already knows. There's a good chance they don't. They need you to tell them so the right care can happen. Lead pastors don't like surprises. A surprise party is one thing. A surprise problem is something else entirely.
At the same time, you only see the slice of the ministry you're directly involved in. You can and should pay attention in staff meetings to stay aware of what's happening across the church. But there are still conversations happening behind closed doors that you're not part of, and that's appropriate. That's how leadership works. Not everyone needs to know everything all the time.
Your pastor is holding the full picture in their head, including things that are confidential. A family facing divorce. A staff transition in the works. A financial need being quietly addressed. When they say no or not yet without fully explaining why, the reason may simply not be yours to know. As I said before, it's the privilege and the burden of the lead chair.
Being a lead pastor is one of the most challenging and rewarding things I've ever done. The picture is bigger from here, and the weight is proportionally heavier. The longer I serve in this role, the more I'll continue to learn. But these four things are true no matter where you sit on the org chart.
Your lead pastor trusts you. Your lead pastor needs you. Serve them with excellence and dedication, and they will do the same for you.
Now that I've been a lead pastor for a year, I see things differently than I did before. I spent most of my career in the kids' pastor chair, and I thought I understood what it would take to sit in this one. I'd heard other senior leaders talk about the weight of the role, and I thought I got it.